I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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