I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
