i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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