i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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