I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
