Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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