dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
