If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..