that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream