Texts From Last Night

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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Good thing spelling doesn't count.

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  (641): I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test. (319): Good thing spelling doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/8f4i
  Replies (23) Good night (6500) Bad night (784)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.

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  (609): This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/9axz
  Replies (30) Good night (7138) Bad night (1131)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.

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  (207): We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks. http://tfl.nu/8fko
  Replies (3) Good night (1367) Bad night (646)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar

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  (702): As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar http://tfl.nu/w8o7
  Replies (10) Good night (2805) Bad night (575)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered

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  (440): You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered http://tfl.nu/unl1
  Replies (6) Good night (2598) Bad night (658)
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  (718): View more from New York

  He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!

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  (718): He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!! http://tfl.nu/xa33
  Replies (7) Good night (2634) Bad night (471)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!

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  (775): A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?! http://tfl.nu/j8i6
  Replies (9) Good night (2065) Bad night (397)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?

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  (305): Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference? http://tfl.nu/v6oa
  Replies (5) Good night (640) Bad night (1598)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.

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  (970): bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog. http://tfl.nu/rc38
  Replies (5) Good night (1640) Bad night (401)
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  (916): View more from California

  Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.

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  (916): Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities. http://tfl.nu/3rzs
  Replies (4) Good night (1396) Bad night (411)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."

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  (302): Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back." http://tfl.nu/49s7
  Replies (14) Good night (658) Bad night (2574)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Yeah, that's a plus.

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  (256): In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet. (1-256): Yeah, that's a plus. http://tfl.nu/i1dz
  Replies (1) Good night (437) Bad night (181)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.

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  (919): Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night. http://tfl.nu/j5x3
  Replies (4) Good night (210) Bad night (420)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.

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  (770): Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes. http://tfl.nu/ubpd
  Replies (1) Good night (287) Bad night (326)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.

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  (218): In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first. http://tfl.nu/gyje
  Replies (1) Good night (630) Bad night (161)

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