Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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