his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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