I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
