all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
