talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize