Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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