I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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