The maid of honor just puked.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
