her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
