I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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