I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
