come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize