I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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