I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
