I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
