I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
