My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
