I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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