Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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