There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
two words...techno handjob
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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