Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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