my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
