More tranny stories later!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am puke
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ketchup is God's man juice
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
