Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
