All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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