Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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