I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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