You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
