one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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