cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
