we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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