My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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