I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
