just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
