I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I will pee on everything he values.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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