When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
