I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
