I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
