Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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