im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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