if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
