oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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