I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
