This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
