You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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