Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
