Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
