Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
