maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
