Nicole vs. Life
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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