and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
