dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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