Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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