he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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