i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
