im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
