Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
