How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
