At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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